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Best Meal of 2009
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As a mom of a son with autism, I have become adept at setting goals for Colby. One small problem. I can encourage and facilitate, drill and practice; however, ultimately, I cannot control whether my child meets those goals. This year I am shifting my focus a bit to work on what is within my control - me! So, in 2012, I am going to model my own goals after the ones I so frequently use for him:
· Find a wide variety of reinforcers – for myself! Intellectually, I may comprehend why my son walks away from me, looks past me, doesn’t answer me. My gut still sometimes feels the kick. In moments of flurry and frustration, we frequently resort to our tried-and-true “rewards,” whatever they may be. Red wine and chocolate … diet coke and doughnuts! Just as Colby needs a broad base of reinforcement options, so do I. I need to focus on expanding my choices to include selections that may increase my physical, mental, and emotional well-being – a walk, a song, a cheer, a game.
· Set some measurable goals - for me! I need to take my son’s goal (“He will ask a ‘where’ question correctly 8 out of 10 times”), and give myself a goal I can control (“I will ask and answer 20 ‘where?’ questions every time we go to the grocery store”). Instead of focusing only on Colby’s goals (“He will learn to tie his shoe”), I need to designate my own tasks that support those goals (“I will give Colby 8 opportunities to tie his shoes every day”). That way, I can experience a little success based on my own actions. Chocolate, here I come! Oh, wait … I’m going for a walk! :-)
· Schedule play dates - with other adults! An autism diagnosis drives many of us into isolation. In the face of the challenges that diagnosis brings, we often become disconnected. It is hard to concentrate on “small talk” when we are dealing with a crisis. Just as Colby is working hard to gain skills to develop appropriate social interaction, I need to build and keep my own relationships. I need to stay part of that “real world” I so desperately want my son to join. Friends can keep us moving forward – some by listening to our rants and raves, some by keeping us accountable in the work we need to do, and some who provide perspective from their vantage point outside the world of autism.
Wed, January 25, 2012
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As a mom of a son with autism, I have become adept at setting goals for Colby. One small problem. I can encourage and facilitate, drill and practice; however, ultimately, I cannot control whether my child meets those goals. Read more...
Wed, January 25, 2012
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comment)
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Holidays can be especially challenging for these families. Parents may struggle to muster excitement about shopping for a child who will refuse to open the present. They often spend their large family gatherings tucked away in a solitary room with a child who can’t tolerate the crowd...read more.
Wed, December 7, 2011
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Hope Alive at Work
One 19-year-old client of our Hope Alive program, Michael, is a talented artist who has the ability to speak but struggles to sustain a conversation. We created the opportunity for him to experience a “business meeting” with a local entrepreneur in need of some fabric design work.
With the help of his “coach,” Michael put together his very first resume, which provided him a script for structuring the conversation. They assembled a portfolio of his work, exam...read more.
Thu, October 20, 2011
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I am a lover of language. Because my education centered on word-based programs - philosophy, English, and law – I have spent spent years focused on selecting just the right word after considering the shades of meaning, the tone conveyed, the legal ramifications. I can share this passion with my older son, Rixon, a college freshman, majoring in mass communications; I cannot with my nearly-16-year-old son, Colby, who has autism and a workable vocabulary of only a few hundred words. Read more.
Fri, September 17, 2010
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Since his diagnosis of autism in June 1996, my son, Colby, has worked nearly 40 hours a week to aquire skills that come naturally to most children. At the age of 15, he has made tremendous gains, but language remains difficult. He often strings words together in ways that make sense only to him: "Dog over white big no hungry on fast."
So much to teach...
Last week, I was quizzing him in "Name that Category" cards. I held up picture cards with three items on each one. Read more.
Mon, January 4, 2010
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Hope Academy's annual holiday program is over ... and my heart is full. In a single hour, a multitude of celebrations unfolded.
The opening welcome was handled by four of our alumni, the first group from Hope Academy to be graduating from high school, which includes my older son, Rixon. Although each of these seniors moved from our program into different high schools, all of them have made their mark - taking honors and AP classes, participating in the arts and sports, holding leader...read more.
Fri, December 18, 2009
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With a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner behind me, and a month of December delicacies ahead, my thoughts have turned to my favorite meals this year. I have dined in several spectacular restaurants this year and tasted some magnificent dishes - pepper-encrusted filet, black bean cakes with salsa, white and black chocolate bread pudding. I have been treated to scrumptious dinners from friends and family who are excellent chefs. But of all the food placed before me this year, read more...
Tue, December 1, 2009
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Best Meal of 2009
With a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner behind me, and a month of December delicacies ahead, my thoughts have turned to my favorite meals this year. I have dined in several spectacular restaurants this year and tasted some magnificent dishes - pepper-encrusted filet, black bean cakes with salsa, white and black chocolate bread pudding. I have been treated to scrumptious dinners from friends and family who are excellent chefs. But of all the food placed before me this year, my favorite was a bowl of red jello.
Now, I am not a jello kind of gal. I do not consider jello a dessert for sure - chocolate is not involved. Nor do I see jello as a substitute for a salad, a fruit, or even a snack. In my book, jello is really a useless substance. Don't like the smell; don't like the taste; don't like the texture.
But, in July, a bowl of red jello became my most memorable dining experience of the year. My older son, Rixon, and I were lounging in the sun, talking about his upcoming senior year - football practice, college applications, vacation plans - and dozing in between.
Suddenly, my younger son, Colby, burst through the back door, bearing two bowls of red jello. This jello was not molded into cubes or rounded domes. It was not garnished with dabs of whipped cream. This jello had obviously been squished through Colby's fingers as it was glopped into the bowls.
And yet, Rixon and I sat up and looked at each other, astounded and ecstatic. Colby, who has autism, had SERVED US jello. Colby, in his 15 years, has shared food only a handful of times. He has spontaneously said "I love you" only two or three times in his life. His conversation, strained at best, nearly always centers on "I want ..."
But, today, amazingly, Colby had formed the thought, "I want to do something for my mother and brother." On his own, he had searched the fridge, found containers of jello, torn them open, pulled out bowls, maneuvered the jello into bowls, retrieved spoons, and searched us out.
As he thrust the bowls into our hands, his smile said it all. For the first time in his life, Colby was performing an act of service, simply out of love.
The best meal ever.
Posted on
Tue, December 1, 2009
by Lisa Lane filed under
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